Understanding Anger: Signs, Tools, and When to Seek Help 

Anger is an all-consuming emotion at times, even more so now as we deal with new situations. If you don’t get a grip on it, it can affect your quality of life. Anger will damage your relationships and raise your stress levels. If anger is beginning to impact your life, start taking steps to control your emotional state.

Anger is a normal human feeling. Everyone becomes angry sometimes. When anger impacts your relationships, job, or self-image, it is time to take a step back. 

In this post, we will talk about: 

• What anger actually is
• Anger signs and symptoms
• General issues that are accompanied by anger
• Effective anger management methods to try at home
• When to consider anger management counseling

What Is Anger?

Anger is an emotion that alerts us that something feels wrong, not fair, or irritating. It’s a tiny little red flag by our brain saying, “Hey, pay attention!” 

While anger is a normal emotion, how we express anger can make a big difference. Anger can manifest itself in the form of loud shouting or arguments at times. Sometimes it can manifest itself as the silent treatment or holding grudges. And some people aren’t even conscious that they are angry — they feel irritated or stressed out all the time. 

The reality is, anger is healthy if it helps us make changes or stand up for ourselves. But it’s unhealthy when it causes harm — to ourselves or others. 

 Signs You Might Have Trouble Managing Anger 

Here are some common signs that anger may be getting out of control: 

• Yelling, snapping or arguing often 
• Feeling angry most days 
• People feel nervous or that they have to “walk on eggshells” around you 
• People distance themselves from you 
• You’ve smashed things (like punching a wall or breaking something) 
• You don’t feel like you’re in charge when you’re mad 
• You stuff anger and let it build up until you explode 
• You regret losing your temper 
• You drink, consume, or resort to other avenues to subjugate managing rage 
• You blame others for making you mad 
• You feel after an anger episode that “it wasn’t like you” 

You don’t need to check every box to benefit from anger support. Even just a few signs are worth exploring. 

 What Happens in the Brain When You Feel Angry?

When we feel angry, it’s not just emotional — it’s also physical and neurological. 

Here is what happens in the brain during an anger response: 

The Frontal Lobe Takes a Back Seat

The frontal lobe is the part of your brain that helps you make decisions, plan, and control impulses. It’s like the level-headed, wise coach of the brain. But when you’re really angry, that coach takes a back seat. The more primitive parts of your brain — especially the amygdala — take over. 

The Amygdala Send an Alarm

The amygdala is a component of the brain’s threat system. It’s constantly looking for danger. Think of it like a smoke alarm that goes off too often, like when your neighbors are cooking. When it senses a threat, even a small one like a rude tone or someone cutting you off in traffic, it sounds the alarm. That’s when your brain sends out signals to trigger the fight, flight, or freeze response. 

Your heart races. Your muscles tense up. Your breathing gets faster. You feel a surge of heat or energy — this is your body preparing to fight or flee. 

Trauma Can Turbocharge This Response 

If you’ve experienced past trauma, your amygdala might be more sensitive than someone else’s. That means it can sound the alarm faster and louder, even when the danger isn’t actually there. This can make angry reactions feel sudden, intense, or hard to control — because your brain thinks you’re in survival mode. 

Trauma can also make it harder for your brain to “turn off” the alarm. That’s why people with a history of trauma usually report being “on edge,” ready to lash out, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed. 

What Causes Anger Issues?

Anger doesn’t just pop up out of nowhere. Anger is often seen as a “secondary” or “cover-up” emotion. It often covers deeper feelings, such as disappointment, loneliness, or guilt. 

 Here are some typical reasons people have anger issues: 

• Stress: Work, school, finances, or relationship problems can build up. This can make it hard for the body and brain to respond properly.
  
• Trauma or past hurt: People traumatized by abuse, neglect, or significant loss may struggle more with anger. 
  
• Unmet needs: When we are not heard, seen, or respected, anger may arise. 
  
• Learned behavior: Growing up in a hostile or violent environment might mean that anger is the “normal” reaction to issues. 
  
• Mental health issues like depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, or substance abuse can change how we think and act when we’re angry.

 Anger and Mental Health: What’s the Connection? 

  Anger is also connected with other conditions of mental illness. In fact, studies have drawn firm correlations between anger and conditions like: 

• Depression: Anger can be a hidden sign of depression, especially in teens and men. Instead of sadness, it may show up as irritability, snapping at others, or feeling constantly annoyed. 
  
• Anxiety: When someone feels anxious all the time, they may become easily overwhelmed. That stress builds up and can turn into frustration or angry outbursts—especially when things feel out of their control. 
  
• ADHD: People with ADHD often act before they think, which can make it hard to manage big emotions like anger. Trouble focusing, frequent interruptions, and impulsive reactions can create misunderstandings and short tempers. 
  
• PTSD and Trauma: People with trauma may have an overactive amygdala, meaning their brain is always on high alert. The fight-or-flight system gets triggered more easily, and small things can feel like a big threat. This can lead to angrier reactions that feel sudden or even hard to control, even when the person doesn’t want to act that way. 

A recent study by Özmen (2023) found that people who often feel intense anger may also struggle more with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and trouble in relationships. The study showed that early negative beliefs about ourselves and the world (called “maladaptive schemas”) can make anger feel even more intense or harder to manage. This means that if someone grew up feeling unloved, unsafe, or not good enough, it might be harder for them to calm down when angry — and their anger might be more connected to deeper emotional pain.

This research supports the idea that anger isn’t just about losing your temper. It’s often tied to what we’ve been through and how we see ourselves — which is why therapy can be so helpful in understanding and managing it.

So, at times, anger treatment may mean treating what’s underlying it too. 

At Pathways Counseling Services, we know that knowledge about the source of anger can lessen shame and guilt. They can help you feel more “in control” when you feel “out of control.” Our trained counselors will work with you to identify these issues. Then, they will help create a personalized plan to manage your anger. If you are not ready for counseling, that’s okay! Here are some therapist-approved tips to help you reduce anger and gain control in your life. 

Simple Anger Management Techniques to Try at Home

You don’t have to wait until you’re ready to boil over before you deal with your anger.

These tips can help develop awareness and prevent blow-ups: 

1. Get To Know Your Triggers 

Begin to take note of what reactions are common for you when you are angry. There are three types of warning signs – physical (sweating, breathing fast, hot, dizzy, tight muscles, etc.), emotional (feeling disrespected, guilting, embarrassed, humiliated, etc.), and cognitive (trouble focusing, only thinking of the trigger, thoughts of revenge, forgetfulness, etc.). Knowing your signs helps you spot triggers. This lets you respond differently or make a plan for when you feel triggered. 

2. The 10-Second Rule 

When you start to feel the anger building up, pause and take a moment to count to 10. If numbers aren’t your thing, try to look around to find every color in the rainbow. This gives your brain time to switch from “reaction” to “thinking” mode. 

3. Name the Feeling 

Instead of saying, “I’m mad,” try to name the true feeling behind it. You might feel embarrassed, disappointed, hurt, stressed, or scared. This builds emotional awareness and allows others near you to support you better. 

4. Take a Break 

Physically step away from the situation. A 10-minute walk, moving to another room, or splashing water on your face can refresh you and give you time to problem-solve rather than react.  

6. Channel The Energy 

If you feel like hitting something, choose a safe option. Try a pillow, a punching bag, or toss ice cubes outside. Many find relief from anger in art such as drawing, painting, sewing, music, or dancing. 

5. Deep Breathing 

Try the “4-7-8” method: Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for 7 seconds. Exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. Slow breathing activates the “relax” part of your nervous system. It also slows down your heart rate and allows your rational mind to turn back on. 

6. Movement 

Physical activity can expend the excess energy generated from anger. Dance, take a walk, do jumping jacks — even stretching relieves it! Many find that creating an “anger playlist” can help! What song would you put on your anger playlist? 

7. Write It Out 

Writing about your anger (even the ugly and raw thoughts) releases emotion and clarifies what is provoking it. Some find it helpful to rip up the paper afterwards as an extra bonus relief! 

8. Use “I” Statements 

When you’re calm and ready to talk, use I-statements. This helps avoid blaming others and allows you to problem solve the conflict rather than feeling the need to defend. 

Say how you feel, instead of blaming: 

“I feel frustrated when the house is messy because I need to have order to focus,” 

vs. 

“You never clean up after yourself!” 

9. Use the STOPP Method  

This Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) method may help you slow down or stop your anger.  

Stop: Pause before reacting

Take a breath: Breath deeply to activate your “rest” mode in your brain

Observe: Notice what is happening around and within you

Proceed: Move forward with a mindful, considered response

When to Ask a Therapist for Help

When anger is getting in the way of your relationships, work, parenting, or daily peace, it might be time to talk to a counselor. 

Here’s when therapy can help: 

• You’re losing control and can’t calm down 
• Your anger has led to physical fights or legal trouble 
• Your children have become more angry 
• You worry about your reactions and feel “out of control” 
• Friends and relatives are fearful to be honest with you 
• Shame, guilt or entrapment makes you angry 
• You’d like to have better tools, but you don’t know where to start 
  

At Pathways Counseling Services, we give you a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your feelings. Our skilled therapists can help you find healthy ways to understand and express anger. We’ll work together to build skills that help you improve communication, lower conflict, and feel more in control—while still expressing your voice. 

What to Expect in Anger Management Counseling 

Every person is different, so we tailor therapy to you. Some of the things you will work on include: 

• Figuring out your personal triggers  
• Learning how your body and brain react to stress  
• Practicing new calming techniques  
• Rebuilding relationships hurt by anger  
• Setting boundaries and using assertive communication  
• Understanding the root cause of your anger 

Anger Management therapy can leave you feeling stronger, not weaker. It’s not about “getting rid” of anger — it’s about making it work for you, not against you. 

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Many people struggle with anger — more than you might think. The good news is, it’s never too late to learn healthier ways to deal with it. 

Therapy can be a wonderful step towards being the best person you can be: calm, in control, and confident about how you handle the problems that come your way. 

Anger management is a skill that everyone can learn. If anger is ruining your lifestyle and relationships, seek help. Pathways Counseling Services specializes in this field. Learning to cope with anger to find solutions is our specialty. Please contact us if you or a loved one needs help. Reach usonline or by calling: 480-235-1682. Let us help you or your loved ones live a happy fruitful life!

Do you, or a loved one, have an anger issue? Call us today; our therapists at Pathways Counseling Services are committed to helping you. 

References:

Özmen, A. (2023). Anger and psychological symptoms relationship: Mediator role of maladaptive schemas. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 10390636. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.10390636