What Is Grief in Children?

Grief shows up in all kinds of ways—sometimes it’s sadness, but it can also feel like anger, fear, guilt, or just complete numbness. For kids, these emotions can be even harder to make sense of. Kids might not say they’re grieving, but you’ll see it. Maybe they act out, become more clingy, or even return to habits they’d grown out of, like thumb sucking or tantrums.

Unlike adults, children may not fully understand that death is permanent. They might ask the same questions over and over, try to “make deals” to bring someone back, or think something they did or thought caused the loss. You might see them giggling one moment and completely shut down the next. That doesn’t mean they’re not grieving. It means they’re processing it the only way they know how.

At Pathways Counseling Services, we help kids name what they’re feeling in ways that feel safe and natural to them—even when they don’t know how to say it out loud.

Here’s what grief can look like in children:

• Difficulty understanding that death is permanent (especially under age 9)
• Magical thinking, such as believing they caused the death
• Fears of being alone or losing someone else
• Guilt, even when not expressed
• Sudden emotional outbursts or withdrawal
• Fluctuations between intense emotions and “normal” behavior
• Short attention spans or difficulty concentrating
• Acting out

Grief can also be triggered by other losses, not just death. Kids may grieve a divorce, a move, a pet, or a parent’s illness. We want you to know that all forms of loss are valid.

How Grief in Children Differs from Adults

If you have experienced grief as an adult, you may have felt pressure to “keep it together”—to be strong, responsible, and composed. Children don’t grieve that way. Due to children’s lack of frontal lobe development, they aren’t able to understand the logic and reasoning behind grief, or feelings that come with grief. Children cope differently, and often communicate their thoughts and feelings through their behaviors.

Adults typically understand death as final and abstract concepts like legacy or ritual. But children may find those ideas overwhelming—or even scary. A funeral might feel confusing, overwhelming, and scary. A parent’s sadness might feel threatening. They may not know how to talk about what’s happening, so they show it instead.

Children are more likely to:

• Express grief through behavior rather than words
• Regress in development (like bedwetting, thumb sucking, or tantrums)
• Have trouble sleeping, eating, or concentrating
• Ask the same hard questions over and over, trying to make sense of the loss
• Feel different from peers who haven’t experienced grief
• Seem numb or detached when others expect visible sadness
• Worry that someone else they love might disappear too
• Show increase anxiety

At Pathways Counseling Services, we gently remind caregivers that kids grieve in layers. They come back to the loss over time as their brain and heart mature. What seemed “resolved” at age 6 may resurface at 10—or again at 14. Milestones, birthdays, holidays, and even random days can all reopen a grief wound. And that’s normal.

We’re here to help make sense of that journey—one step at a time.

How We Help Children Heal from Grief

How We Help Children Heal from Grief with Compassionate, Creative Support

Our therapists are trained in child development, trauma-informed care, and expressive therapies. We create a safe space for children to explore their feelings, even the ones they don’t have words for yet.

We use:

• Play Therapy to help younger children express grief through symbolic play. Dolls, stories, and games allow them to show what they’re feeling in developmentally appropriate ways.
• Art & Expressive Art Therapy to give children a nonverbal outlet for processing loss. Through drawing, painting, role play, dancing, kids can express the unspeakable or feelings in their bodies.

• Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) to strengthen the bond between caregiver and child. PCIT helps parents respond to grief-related behaviors with warmth, structure, and confidence, while building the child’s sense of safety and trust.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for older children and teens to address anxious or self-blaming thoughts and develop healthier coping strategies.
• Family Support & Parent Coaching to guide caregivers in supporting their child’s emotional world. We help parents navigate tough conversations, identify behavior changes, and create consistent routines that foster emotional safety.
• Mindfulness & Grounding Techniques to regulate big emotions and foster resilience. Children learn to tune into their bodies and feelings, reducing overwhelm.
• Rituals and Memory Work such as creating memory boxes, drawing loved ones, or writing goodbye letters to help children maintain connection and process change.